Archive for the ‘Becoming an Adult’ Category


19 Feb

Living out of a hotel was interesting to say the least. I ate some really horrid food while living out of a hotel. Salt-ridden and tasteless. But I looked for a job everyday. I wrote cover letters and I felt good about myself for once in my life because I was doing everything that I wanted to do the first time around. It was like a reset of my life as if the past tree years never happened.

I maintained a friendship with my ex-boyfriend because I was hardly sane enough to make any kind of real decisions for myself, but I slowly found my ground again and made my footing clear to myself and thus started to regain the ground I lost from him.

Why return here? It was away from my parents and I had unfinished business to solve. I had no desire to be a screenwriter, I’m not huge on writing scripts, I have no interest in show Biz, so my unfinished business was more like a test. I wanted to see if I could make it in this city or if I would fail miserably.

Since I didn’t have much of rational thought and my emotions were in ribbons the only thing I had left was my subconscious and instinct. So I rode heavily on those and kept going forward. I don’t believe in living in regret, but learning from your regret to make your now and your future better for yourself. I don’t think you can control all outcomes, but you can try to make the next moment better. So I went on with that. If I wiped out, so be it.

In the first few weeks, I didn’t get a job , but I decided on my own terms to return back to college for one class. My mom wouldn’t give me that class alone to attend. If I wanted to get that one class, I had to go back to college. I thought about it, and decided that it was a good enough idea to get the stupid piece of paper to prove what I already knew was true.

Considering the dramas of those Hotel days and eating Campbell’s soup out of a microwave, I think I did pretty well for myself getting back into the groove of life.

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Posted in Becoming an Adult


The Crazy Woman with the Dogs

19 Feb

I think this snapped me out of a lot of things. This wasn’t adoption-related per se, but it did wake me up quite a bit and I realized a lot about human nature, my ex-boyfriend, the city, and myself. It is a bit race-related, but I don”t think that people who have never experienced racism would recognize it.

I was responding to apartments as usual, trying to find a good solution to my dwindling money situation and got a reply from this one woman. She had dogs. No problem. I have no pets. So I went there dressed up for an interview. I couldn’t find the house. I was a little late. She said she wasn’t there yet even though she had picked the tme. She finally arrived at the house while I was waiting.

She had about five chihuahuas in this one little apartment. Four of them were caged. She was a breeder. I wasn’t really collected after the break up. I didn’t know up from down yet. My opinions hadn’t come back and I was still rebuilding myself, so I ended up helping with her dogs. I felt uneasy about the situation.

It was three hours of wrangling these dogs whom never seen the light of day, even for a walk, because she thought her five foot by two foot concrete yard was good enough for them. I never had seen dogs in near abusive conditions before. She held me up for so long that it began to get dark. I had to insist on an interview, but she still held me up for another few hours and said she would drive me back to the hotel. I said I could take the bus. By the time she agreed to drive me back to the hotel, she said she didn’t feel like it. It felt like my ex-boyfriend all over again, not to mention my parents. She insisted that I couldn’t go home now, it was dark and my Hotel was in a not-so-good part of town. Ten o’clock is no time to go deep into such places, especially when buses spontaneously don’t show up.

She’d already filled the position of roommate, but still insisted on keeping me around. Maybe she knew a sucker when she saw one.

I was forced to stay the night.

She had a new puppy she’d brought home in addition to the other dogs. It was crying because she didn’t want it peeing on her carpet, she wouldn’t take it out of its crate and it was in a new place with five other dogs. I felt seriously bad for this little puppy. It cried in the middle of the night, so I took it into the room I was sleeping in to try to calm it down. It must have been lonely separate from its pack as it was.

It stopped crying for a while, but it didn’t get better. I gently told the puppy that it would just have to learn to be by itself and put it back out in the living room. I fell asleep. About 3:00 in the morning I heard it crying and the woman was banging on top of the crate swearing at it and saying, “Shut up!” It, of course, continued to cry. It cried and cried and cried. That was about the time I knew I had to get out.

I tried to politely leave by bus, but she wouldn’t allow it and made excuses and sadi I could live in the front room. I politely agreed, only because saying no to a woman that would do that to a puppy is kind of strange. She went about selling the puppy on craigslist the next day. Forced to stay for half the day in her house since I didn’t know a polite way to get out, she insisted that I should help her dye her hair platinum blonde, feed her dogs, and basically I should pet sit for her while she mooched off of her ex-boyfriend to get tickets to go to Hawaii.

The fact she did these things in such extremes reminded me of my ex-boyfriend a great deal. This is the beginning point where the ice broke and I couldn’t stand it anymore between my ex and me.

She drove me back and asked for an answer the next day.

I thought about it, discussed it with my Mom who was handling all my expenses since I was just back in this city and decided wisely t turn it down. Since my mind wasn’t clear, I turned to my Mom as a voice of reason, even if she was not always a willing party to be subjected to it.

So I called her in a very professional manner, which I’d learned through doing secretary and reception jobs and said I was turning the offer down, but thank you. She started saying, “But I thought we were friends! How mean-spirited, I told me Dad what a good person you were…” and she went on a long rant about this and that and how “mean-spirited” I was. I raised my voice above hers, and said sweetly, “Just informing you. Sorry. Goodbye.” I hung up.

It felt good hanging up on her. But all those personality flaws to that extreme, I think I felt for the dog in the crate, because for years I was that dog in the crate.

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Posted in Becoming an Adult



19 Feb

Living out of Hotels was not really fun. After the first hotel, I found I had to get another one, so I did. I didn’t really get to eat well, but somehow I felt like I was doing the right thing.

I finally looked around and got a roommate. She was a new college student and played an instrument. The ad said, No Pets. No Smokers. You’ll learn the irony of this soon enough.

This girl had a mother who was supporting her daughter and moved out of the apartment to move in with her boyfriend. (The Mother that is, moved in with her boyfriend.)

The daughter had a boyfriend too.

I had, through some errors and floundering happened upon an online college… I felt nothing in my area really had what I wanted. So I would spend my days in my room which boiled to an astonishing 105 degrees at 4:00 on a sunny day ith my computer working on my homework. On weekends I would clean the bathroom.

This girl had thought Asian=Japanese. She had these notions about Japanese culture which were untrue. I really didn’t feel like I connected to her. But you don’t need to be best friends to be roommates. She wanted a best friend. Her mother was expecting a “role model.”

I stuck to my room and ate when she wasn’t there, took showers when she wasn’t around. To me, it was respect and besides, most of the time her boyfriend would come and go whenever she pleased. She felt insulted that I wouldn’t want to shower while her boyfriend was around. She thought the way I cleaned the bathroom was too fast– she was kind of jealous that I did it so quickly. She generated more trash in a week than I did in a month. I kept my head low. I wasn’t going to be her substitute mother or best friend. I paid my rent on time. I did my share of the cleaning. I used my own pots. I kept things clean.

Because I didn’t use the rest of the house besides the Kitchen and bathroom I left her to clean the rest of the house.

Her boyfriend brought home a stray dog and she pretty much neglected it. She would give him one huge bowl of food after his walk and then leave it. So by about 4:00 he really needed to be let out. I felt bad for the dog because they would yell at him for the fact of their neglect. I, now, strongly believe that 99.9% of bad dog behavior is the human’s fault.

Her mother would hear her complain about me. Because I didn’t want to be best friends with her, but she couldn’t say that. I didn’t fight with her. I left messages on the refrigerator, but she thought she didn’t have to read if she had dyslexia.

The main reason I didn’t bond with her, I think, is because of her misconceptions about Asians. She thought that Japanese were free to express themselves off of some Gothica Lolita Magazines. She would contradict me on that fact and try to correct me. Then tell me how Asians were–correcting me again. It irked me. Really irked me. Correcting me to my face. Asiaphile. My first real taste of it.

There was the pot too… She had asthma. She smoked pot. She denied it to her mother. When I moved out, I saw her and her boyfriend smoking it.

So much for No Pets and No Smoking. Both which I had to deal with. So after some hunting around, changing my college, I moved out on my own. I learned a lot during that time. For instance, why I hate having roommates.

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Posted in Becoming an Adult


In-Class Stalker

19 Feb

First Day of Cultural Anthropology class, I came late, so I had to sit near the back of the stadium seating. The first class was a video showing ethnic foods from around the world that may shock people. The Professor was asking people to list foods they liked that may be taboo.

So I volunteered Squid Kimchi.

After the class the guy next to me was asking me questions. I thought I should be polite and answer his questions. I said I needed to go back home now. He asked me, “Where do you live?” I avoided him. I was trying to be polite and end communicating with him, but he wouldn’t stop. He followed me. I tried to break off several times, and even threatened to call the police. He didn’t stop saying Asian Girls are submissive. I was trying to be polite. I tried to get him to stop stereotyping Asians in a polite effort to get rid of him. He didn’t stop. I said goodbye and then decided I didn’t want to have anything to do with him.

Next day. I sit somewhere else. He sits behind me. I’m so creeped out.

Next day after that. I sit in the very front in the eye line of the teacher and manage to wedge myself so he can’t sit behind me. He sits on the opposite side one row behind me.

Day after that, I call my Mom and say there is this creepy guy who is stalking me because I’m Asian… what do I do? She says to wait a few more days. (I was told by a Psychiatrist this is the wrong approach) and if he persists, to tell the teacher.

He persists for one more day and the moves onto someone else. I do well in the class, but he still creeps me out and I feel bad for the Japanese and Korean women (There weren’t many Chinese in the class from what I could see) trying to get away from him in the class.

At the end of the semester he’s exhausted all of the Asian women in the class and creepy, but true, he sits directly behind me. I tell my Korean friend of the time “That’s HIM” and she politely declines further conversation with him.

I kind of regret not telling the teacher about him, because I really think he could use some help, plus the feelings of being stalked really filled me up with dread. I avoided him on campus too.

I think I was lucky that it didn’t escalate like other stalking situations, but the fact that this guy would do something like that in a classroom may be beginning signs that he may go full-blown in the real world out there and who knows what may happen after that.

My Mom told me because it didn’t escalate that I shouldn’t report him. Please, please don’t give the same advice. If it escalates it may be too late.

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Posted in Becoming an Adult, Parents


Friendship and Moving Out

19 Feb

I admit I wasn’t exactly sane after breaking up with my ex-boyfriend. Finding that my parents were smoking pot and telling me the schedule of it didn’t really help my logic centers to come back that quickly. For this reason I kept my friendship with my ex because on a conscious level I didn’t see any reason not to. On a subconscious level, I hated his guts and when he tried to wake me up after I had to wait for hours of him being in the bathroom, I’d kick him in my sleep even when he was standing up. I guess my subconscious self really hated his guts and wanted revenge. (or at least what I’d like to think.)

So I was having fun apartment hunting and found a place to move to. I managed to move out of the apartment with the asiophile. By this time I was really fed up with my ex too. He was asking me to burn DVDs of a TV show he watched and insisted that we watch it together. Back then it would take the majority of the day for the computer to burn the video DVD. I spent days collecting pictures and making menus. And then he’d demand that I do it faster because if I didn’t give him 6 copies (which in a weekly show is expensive) he’d look bad at work. He didn’t understand why this made me so pissed at him. And then he’d expect me to pay for food half the time or make it, but wouldn’t buy it back. When it was his turn to buy food it was always cheap. (Well, most of the time)

Keeping this in mind, when I was apartment hunting he offered to help drive me (since I had no car) even though I said I could take the bus. I ended up taking the place, even though I wanted to do more apartment hunting. I, now, know that I won’t take a place immediately without a little more hunting around.

When I first moved in and I got a parking space for my Aunt and cousins and my ex… my ex started offering the parking space to strangers I didn’t know. I was pissed because he was acting like he owned my place, my Internet and the apartment when he didn’t even live in the apartment. People assumed that I did. I stated it to him that it bugged me and asked him to please offering things that didn’t belong to him. He didn’t listen to me. He instead stated all the things I did wrong. This made me even more upset at him.

His favorite phrase now was, “You don’t have any other friends.” I stated I did and he said “Real ones.” This made me even more mad at him. I had my cousins and my aunt and uncle not to mention friends in my college classes and I had friends through the Internet.

There were redeeming qualities about him. He liked to have fun, even if at my monetary expense. Escapism was a major theme. I liked having fun, but after a while it became less and less fun as he held his air conditioner and driving over me as the reasons I needed to see him. (Needed is used correctly here.) But over time trying to have fun was more of a game of control for him than it was having fun. And it was scarier as I realized all the faults of my parents were in him.

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Posted in Becoming an Adult, Racism

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