Stress Before the Trip

19 Feb

I thought when I said the word mediation, it would happen. When I said I wanted to delegate responsibility, I thought it would happen. I was so wrong.

My April is turning into a bit of a hell. I have to babysit my adolescent parents, cater to my Mom’s insecurities (which I really want to give up, it just wears me out). Deal with an AWOL brother. And try to refresh all of my languages before I go. Trying to explain these things to adults that have never been truly responsible is like trying to explain to a baby how the physics of the universe work.

I have many things to smooth over and they aren’t letting me delegate the tasks. They are being lazy and turning back towards me and when I ask them to do it, they take that inch and move it a mile. It frustrates me to no end. I ask them to get the dates set up to go to Asia, but then they won’t come out this way to discuss the details of the trip. I had to argue for them to come this way.

My Mom is still talking about Korea negatively and Appa wants me to become fluent overnight. Then I have to sort out Eomma’s stuff on my own because my brother is AWOL.

Where I want to have some semblance of sanity, I have none. Where I want to let go, I’m not able to. I see this as a huge car crash, and what’s worse is I have so much things to do before I go and I’m helpless to get through all of them without some support. I’m quickly feeling like I’m put last above everyone else’s desires. Perhaps I haven’t asserted myself enough, but seriously I have limitations! And I’m reaching mine very quickly.

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