19 Feb

Living out of a hotel was interesting to say the least. I ate some really horrid food while living out of a hotel. Salt-ridden and tasteless. But I looked for a job everyday. I wrote cover letters and I felt good about myself for once in my life because I was doing everything that I wanted to do the first time around. It was like a reset of my life as if the past tree years never happened.

I maintained a friendship with my ex-boyfriend because I was hardly sane enough to make any kind of real decisions for myself, but I slowly found my ground again and made my footing clear to myself and thus started to regain the ground I lost from him.

Why return here? It was away from my parents and I had unfinished business to solve. I had no desire to be a screenwriter, I’m not huge on writing scripts, I have no interest in show Biz, so my unfinished business was more like a test. I wanted to see if I could make it in this city or if I would fail miserably.

Since I didn’t have much of rational thought and my emotions were in ribbons the only thing I had left was my subconscious and instinct. So I rode heavily on those and kept going forward. I don’t believe in living in regret, but learning from your regret to make your now and your future better for yourself. I don’t think you can control all outcomes, but you can try to make the next moment better. So I went on with that. If I wiped out, so be it.

In the first few weeks, I didn’t get a job , but I decided on my own terms to return back to college for one class. My mom wouldn’t give me that class alone to attend. If I wanted to get that one class, I had to go back to college. I thought about it, and decided that it was a good enough idea to get the stupid piece of paper to prove what I already knew was true.

Considering the dramas of those Hotel days and eating Campbell’s soup out of a microwave, I think I did pretty well for myself getting back into the groove of life.

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